There’s a hole in my jeans.
In the ass of my jeans.
I don’t even know how long it’s been there
But I saw it today and my only thought was,
“Well, now you can see my cute underwear!”
What is wrong with me?
…Zebra stripes are fun…
- Dad: Oh, I like little rodents.
- Mom: Dad used to have a rat.
- Dad: Ralph the rat. He was white and gray. He was cuddly. Did I ever tell you about when I used to check in on the psychology department's rats at UPS, when I was a monitor?
- Me: No! Awww!
- Dad: Yeah, I used to open the door and look at them and they'd all peek at me, happy to see me. They were cute. Some of the girls didn't like to check in on them, and we didn't really have to, but I liked them.
- Me: Tara's got a rat named Pi-Rat who has a patch over her eye. I love that name. She's got about four, I think. Plus her friend Clemm gave her her rat while she's off at school. so Stella the rat gets to be the class pet for Tara's science class that she's assisting with.
- Mom: Oh, that's nice.
- Dad: Stellaaaaa!
It’s never good to try to describe your favorite character/member of a band/etc as “the guy with a face”.
Just, yeah. This is mostly for me to remember.
- Me: I didn't know that this was a dialogue post thing.
- My brain: Probably because you're stupid.
- Me: I thought it was a "chat" button, like to chat with friends. And I thought it was weird and stupid to have that on a site like this.
- My brain: I rest my case.
- Girl: How come my boyfriend hasn't kissed me even though we've been going for almost five months?
- John: Wait, going? Going where? Certainly not to first base! Anybody? Eh? Base jokes? ...is that still a thing?
Vincent Price, Thriller
Best music video ever, y/y?
And then the girlfriends, of which I’ve only had two. Number one was my first love, my uni-crush, my virginity-taker, my KFC-and-videos-when-we-should-be-at-lectures. We were together for three years and then she broke my heart. Temporarily, it transpired.
The second was an injured dancer turned lawyer – who taught me to love jazz and women in suits; the one who taught me there might be love beyond first love.
The third was the first one again, who proved – in the end – that for me there was to be no getting over the first love.” —Tim Minchin
Interesting day - though not as interesting as yesterday, though almost -
I slept in til noon cos I was exhausted and cos I’m not feeling quite right. Then I got up and took a shower and was all set to film a video. I drew the intro cartoon thing for it, filmed it and was about to edit it when my sister knocked on my door and asked if I’d like to go shopping with her. I didn’t have any plans for today, really, so I said sure. I needed dinners for the next few days - til I move out on Tuesday!!!!! - anyway. I put the video on my computer & edited it, but ran off while it rendered.
We went to Starbucks. The boy I have a crush on wasn’t there, but that’s okay. I got a veggie panini and a tall strawberries & creme frappuccino. We sat outside and I ate and drank as my sister and I chatted about the trivia party she’s having on Saturday and how just cos a girl is cute and fun doesn’t mean she’s not single and how it sucks but that’s life, etc. It was pretty pleasant. She has been much, much easier to talk to lately, even if her money beliefs are borderline retarded.
Then we went to the grocery store. I got dinners for myself - frozen vegetarian dinners - and then we went to CVS where the cashier guy was kind of skeevy. Then we went to Michaels so Jenn (my sister) could get supplies in order to teach herself how to knit. The cashier there was really friendly and nice. Then we came home and hilarity ensued as Jenn tried to start teaching herself to knit. The book was making her mad. Then the instruction videos on YouTube were making her mad. I think all she ended up doing today was cast the first stitch/slip knot thing. I don’t even know. But I was laughing.
I read the beginning of Sarah Vowell’s Unfamiliar Fishes -all about the annexation of Hawaii in 1959. Because I am a totally hip and cool person, baby. Then I made dinner - mini veggie corn dogs and chips - and watched the reruns of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report from last night. Fell asleep part-way through the Report. Then I came into my room and watched Tim Minchin’s Rock and Roll Nerd documentary. Cried a little bit, cos parts of it are SO. SAD. Then I came online, IMed my Twin, watched a bit of my YouTube peeps and, because of them, got sucked into watching two episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
Now I think I will spend some quality time with my chinchilla and then my pillow.
(This has been in my head all day.)
I went to Jury Duty today. It was pretty exciting. And eventful. I got chosen to be on the jury in a civil case and I was actually really psyched. We heard a witness, then got a lunch break - I got an egg salad sandwich, yay! - and then we came back to hear the rest of the case. The bailiff was late fetching us from the assembly area cos there was some kind of a kerfuffle at the elevators - apparently, two parties from another case were pushing each other around afterwards. Then, one of the jurors was feeling ill, so she was excused and we went on with just six of us.
Then the plaintiff went up to the stand and started giving her testimony and an earthquake started. The courtroom was shaking like we were in some movie. It felt so unreal. I didn’t feel like I was there. (Actually, a lot of moments felt unreal. I think I was just overwhelmed with l’excite. But the earthquake was a different type of unreal. Scary unreal.) I didn’t panic, though. I was cracking jokes and everything. We were released into the jury room, then we were told to go outside and the fire alarm went off. Then we were told we could go home. Fire trucks, ambulances and cops were everywhere, assessing the damage (I don’t think there was any).
But two things kept making me fight back laughter throughout the day:
1. I kept thinking about Mitchell on Modern Family and his dream trial, where he gets to point at the witness stand and yell “SHAAAAME!”
2. I had Tim Minchin songs in my head and at one point, a lawyer asked us if we believed…, and I thought, I believe that women have the right to walk the streets at night without being afraid for their lives… Fuck, I love boobs, though! I just really like them…
So, basically, earthquakes are scary, jury duty is interesting and I am a horrible person. XD
I have to report to the courthouse for jury duty tomorrow.
Social anxiety: engage!
“I thought everything was just fine.” She said, “That’s exactly the point. I just get so annoyed how you’re so happy all the time.”
Lately, I’ve been feeling like, with everything that’s going on in my life - all of the changing and shifting and goals and optimistic, hopeful planning - I’ve been getting stuck in my head in a lot of ways. I’ve been keeping a pretty tight circle around myself, of people I talk to, of things that I do. And I feel like, for a long time, it made me happy because I felt at home there, and safe, and understood. But lately, I feel ostracized or something, like the things in the circle don’t agree with me anymore, or don’t appreciate me, or don’t make me feel very good about myself.
I’m not going to be apologetic for being me. I’m not going to be some kind of insult dart game of judgment anymore. There are people outside of the stupid circle metaphor who still appreciate me and my eccentricities, and even love me - some of whom still feel that way about me after years and long periods of not even talking, and different lives, etcetera - so I know that I am not a problem. I should not change. I am a likable, amusing person who is worthy of knowing and befriending. And anyone who tries to change me is not worthy of me worrying about them.
I am a tiny, insignificant, ignorant bit of carbon. I have one life, and it’s short. But, thanks to recent medical advances, I get to live twice as long as my great, great, great uncleses and auntses. Twice as long to live this life of mine. Twice as long to love this wife of mine. Twice as many years of friends and wine. Of sharing curries and getting shitty at good-looking hippies with fairies on their spines and butterflies on their titties.